Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas, Redux




Christmas, Redux




The wife and I had agreed to limit our spending on Christmas presents to each other this year. The economy was suffering, everyone was a little scared about the future and we were reluctant to spend a wad on gifts when we might feel a bit more comfortable hanging on to some of the dough instead. So here I was wandering around the local K Mart, comparing prices and sizes and making a selection or two when the numbers and her needs coincided. She'd definitely have some gifts to open on this coming Christmas morning – maybe a few less than last year, but enough to warrant getting out of bed that morning. Some would be expected – she'd given me a list of items to consider that she'd like to have along with sizes, colors, etc. Others might be a bit of a surprise to her. I hate to be predictable all of the time. I then drove to Walmart and perused their shelves also. A few more items looked like good bets, so I tossed them into the cart. I checked my pockets for the cash I'd alloted for her gifts – not too much left. I then had an idea, so I drove to another store nearby. They had exactly what I was looking for and it ended up being the last gift I'd have to buy.


It was 4 days before Christmas. Probably the latest I'd ever gone gift shopping. But, then again, this year was a bit different.


My wife had injured one of her legs mid-November and it had taken her a long while to recover. There had been over a week of bed rest involved with a lot of heating-pad duty, then a rented walker utilized for a while, finally the purchase of a walking cane to aid her perambulations. I had to take on some of her household duties while she was laid up and they took up time that would have normally been utilized for Yuletide prep. She was coming along quite nicely now, thank goodness, but her convalescence had thrown our holiday timetable off by quite a while. She'd mostly recovered in time to do some abbreviated Christmas cookie baking for a few of our closer relatives using a stool in the kitchen as an aid where she could sit and rest her leg between batches. She had also done some of her gift shopping from the seat of an electric cart in a couple of our local big box stores.

When I was a youngster I used to smile when my folks would remark on how fast Christmas was approaching, how it seemed to sneak up on them when they weren't looking. I knew it surely wasn't that way with us kids! Oh, no! To my brothers and I, Christmas was a stubborn mule, a holiday that dug its recalcitrant hooves into the ground and took its sweet jolly old time coming around. It seemed like a lifetime from Halloween to Christmas and, totally against logic, even longer than that from Thanksgiving to Christmas.


And the last week before the holiday? Excruciating!


'Tain't that way no more, McGee. Uh-uh! Now we can understand what our folks used to tell us about Christmas coming fast. Holy smoke, does it ever come fast now! You seem to barely have time to clear your throat and holler “slow down!” between Thanksgiving and Christmas.


Doesn't do any good, though. It still comes at ya like a bolt of lightning.


I can still recall the scratchy red wool blankets that were on the bed that my brother and I shared when we were kids. On Christmas Eve we'd lay there in the dark, waiting, poking each other, giggling and bouncing around on the bed. I suppose we would eventually go to sleep, but that didn't actually occur until we'd been warned a number of times from downstairs that if we didn't “knock it off up there and go to sleep” there'd be NO Christmas for us. We'd finally quiet down and drift off sometime in the wee hours.


I can still remember one Christmas Eve night when I distinctly heard sleigh bells outside the window of our bedroom. No doubt in my mind, then or now – doggone sleigh bells. Neighbors? Our folks? A jolly old elf? I was open to all possibilities then and definitely leaning toward the Santa option.


And who really knows what I'd heard?


My brother'd usually wake up first. He was always more excitable than I and a much lighter sleeper. My folks would make us wait in our bedroom before allowing us to come downstairs. During this unbearable quarantine, my father would drive over to my grandmother's house and bring her back to ours. She always shared Christmas morning with us as my grandfather had passed away when I was six and mom wouldn't think of leaving her alone.


That was just the way it was in those days.


When all was ready we were allowed to come downstairs and open our gifts.


My family didn't have a lot of money, but mom always believed in a big Christmas, so dad had little choice in the matter. I wonder, now that I'm an adult, how long it took him to pay off our Christmas bills in those years. Probably into the late spring, I'd guess.


Us kids would whoop and holler as we opened gift after gift, the wrapping paper, ribbons and bows making drifts and windrows along the furniture as the unopened gift pile dwindled. Each unopened gift that lay in our laps was a universe of possibilities. Was it another toy? A game? Something else to play with? Or the clothes that our parents thought were so important. Soon the unwrapping was completed and we sat back and contemplated our haul. It was always too much, of course. Mom wanted it that way. And we kids didn't know any better – we thought it was that way everywhere. Mom and Gram and Dad quietly exchanged gifts then and exclaimed their surprise and satisfaction as each one was opened.


Those were good years.


Nowadays things are a bit smaller and a bit quieter. Its just my wife, my adult son and myself. My only sadness about Christmas is that my mom never got a chance to be a Gram to my boy. She never had the chance to come over to our house on bright Christmas mornings to share the day with us. She never saw the joy in my son's eyes as he opened his gifts or the joy in my wife and my eyes as he did so.


She passed away almost a decade before he was born and that's a real shame. She'd have been a good Grandma to him. I do like to think that she's here with us in spirit occasionally.


Especially at Christmastime.


So I sit here tonight and contemplate the Christmas's past and look forward to the one we'll celebrate in a couple of days. And I think about Charles Dicken's “A Christmas Carol”.


I've never been visited by a ghost on Christmas Eve, let alone by three of them, as was the esteemed Ebenezer Scrooge. But if I had been visited, I wonder what they would have shown me? Would the ghosts have shown me disappointment in my past, greed and stinginess in my present and, ultimately a miserable, desolate end? Or would my ghosts have been more compassionate and proffered up a more loving past, a dignified present and a long, admirable future filled with friends and family?


Who knows?


I only hope its more of the latter than of the former.


So perhaps its high time to buy the fat goose, to call the Cratchits over to the house for a Christmas feast. Time to put Tiny Tim on my knee and to be thankful for all the past Christmas's that have led me to this place rather than the place that was being prepared for Mr. Scrooge.


High time indeed!


So Merry Christmas to you all – my friends, my family and to all the friends I've yet to meet. A very merry Christmas to all!


And God bless us every one!


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Things Change














Things Change


I looked at the calendar today and saw that it's been almost a month since the election.

Four weeks.

28 days since I and millions of my fellow Americans walked into our voting booths and made our selections for whom we wanted to lead us in the upcoming years. We voted for mayors, councilmen, governors, representatives and senators. We voted on money issues, societal issues, school bond issues and who would preside over the courts in our districts. We opted for sheriffs, state congressional members and other officials of low, middle and high rank. But most memorable during this election, as it is every four years in our country, we voted for the person who would be our president. We voted for the individual who would be our national leader and who would become the veritable face of the United States throughout the world.

And at eleven o'clock that evening, the 4th of November in 2008, the projected and ultimately final winner was announced.

It was Barack Obama.

I recall seeing the faces of the people on television when the news of his election was announced. The tears and cheers. The frowns and glum looks. The hands raised in triumph and the red-rimmed eyes of frustration, anger and disappointment.

For better or worse we had a new president.

The voice of the people had been heard and their choice was as very, very clear. We want different. We want new. We do not want the status quo.

We want change. We want change. We want change.

I remember his opponent and his magnanimous concession speech, the heartfelt congratulations to his opponent, the tears standing in the eyes of his vice-presidential running mate. I was humbled and awed by his calm composure and steadiness. My heart bled a little for him as he was my choice, my guy.

I remember the sight of the new president-elect striding across the stage with his pretty wife and two beautiful daughters to the exuberant cheers and joyful shouts of the Democratic faithful in Chicago, his acceptance speech and his calm acceptance of his upcoming duty.

I even kind of liked him at that time.

It wasn't all hearts and flowers during the campaign, of course. A LOT of nasty things were said about each candidate, enough so that you wondered if either of the men could possibly be presidential material. Every flaw that the politicos could come up with was brought forth and shoved in the electorate's face. Every word or phrase that could be misconstrued was misconstrued. Their histories were examined from birth until five minutes ago. Their wins and losses in life were tallied and their lives were so minutely examined as to be ludicrous.

If you believed even half of the stories you heard or read or saw concerning these men generated by the opposing side you were convinced of the monumental inappropriateness of their becoming president. And these stories were brought forth by both sides during the campaign.

Barack Obama was not a citizen, was fast friends with killers and terrorists, was a Muslim, had shady business dealings, was never a leader, was an über liberal, a black nationalist and a drug addict. John McCain was doddering old fool – likely to die at any moment, a computer illiterate, a closet tyrant with a monumental temper and an idiot in his choice of vice president. Neither of them was worth two hoots in hell and if you voted for the wrong one you were sixteen kinds of idiot.

If you believed the ads. If you believed the whispers. If you believed the hype.

I have to admit I got caught up in some of the rhetoric. My man was the ostensible conservative, at least compared to his rival, and therefore I listened to the conservative voices on television and radio. I joined the choir that was being preached to. I don't know as I believed everything I heard from them but I was greatly influenced. Their arguments were persuasive and chilling. I was prepared to shoulder my load, do my duty and vote my man in. But I do have liberal friends and I do respect their judgment. I listened to them and I pondered their words. I thought about what they had said and tried to see their side of things. The world was very different from their viewpoint. They showed me things I hadn't considered or even imagined. They gave me much food for thought.

I won't say I suffered the agonies of indecision in the weeks leading up to the election, but I will say I was swayed in my earlier determination to vote McCain. I was honestly trying to weigh each man and vote my mind and my heart. I was torn and the feeling was mighty uncomfortable.

It wasn't a pleasant time period in America. The mud-slinging ads on the television and the radio became more and more intense, more and more derisive of one candidate, then the other. The money spent on political ads was inconceivable. My mind swirled with suppositions, innuendos, claims, hazy facts, wild accusations and much more indecision.

And the vitriol intensified daily.

I was physically, mentally and emotionally so ready for the election to be over. Over and done with. It seemed the campaign had been going on for years and years and I was so tremendously sick of politics at that time.

We have touch screen voting in the town where I live. You slide an access card similar to a credit card into a slot and you touch the screen at the appropriate spots to make your selections. Your fingertip generates an “x” in a box next to the name of your choice. Very simple and very easy. I believe the first choice on the ballot was for president of the United States. I looked at the choices. I seem to be always surprised that there are more than two. A substantial number of “fringe” candidates are always there – the socialist, the libertarian, maybe a communist or a green or some other peripheral candidate. But the biggies were there. Oh yeah. They might as well have been highlighted. Obama and McCain. There's where the money was. My finger wavered and my vision blurred a bit. You'd have thought that it was I alone who was going to elect the winner. Then my finger settled and hit the box next to McCain. The rest of the ballot, although important, seemed trivial by comparison to the first selection.

When I walked out of the polling place and back to my car I queried myself as to exactly why I'd pulled the trigger for the Republican. How had I arrived at the choice I had made? What process of distillation had occurred to finally condense into a selection? Had one side finally pounded enough ads through my television and into my ears and eyes that I was “conditioned” to make that choice? Had the scare tactics of the right frightened me enough to pull the trigger for the conservative side? Was I influenced by my almost all-white upbringing to bypass the black candidate?

Could I, even now, logically justify my choice?

I have to honestly say that I do not know. More than likely it was a combination of all these influences tempered with as much cold logic as I could muster. At least I hope there was some logic involved. And I hope more earnestly that it was a vote for someone and not against someone.

I think my candidate would have made a good president. I honestly do. I think John McCain is an honorable man, a proven leader and would have made a fine president. And a superb commander-in-chief of the military. I'm not, however, convinced that his choice for vice president was sound. I think he chose with his heart and not his mind. I also think that Ms. Palin, who was the darling of the conservative right, lost McCain a lot of his center-residing constituencies. I liked her. I liked her a lot. I liked her freshness, her confidence and her ability to confront the wrong in her own party as well as her opponents. I liked her down-home accent, her fearlessness and her beauty. I like a whole lot about her. But I didn't agree with all her beliefs. Some of them butted heads with my opinions. Fiercely. But, then again, I disagreed with some of the beliefs of all the people running.

So - there it is.

On January 20, Barack Obama is going to be president of the United States. He's going to have to be the president for all the people in the country, not just the ones who voted for him. All the neocons, the bigots and the rednecks as well as his loyal followers. And all the rest of us just plain ol' Americans.

He's got a lot of work to do and I do not envy him.

I wish him health to perform the duties of his office, I wish him vision to select the right path for the nation and I wish him courage to face whatever challenges that will beset him. And they will.

He was a hell of a candidate.

Let's hope he's a hell of a president.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Homebody


















Homebody



So there I stood with the capful of liquid laundry detergent in my hand and wondered if I was supposed to use a full cap of the stuff or whether I was supposed to use just part of it. One half? A quarter? Three quarters? I pondered, then dumped the whole capful into the removable soap-holder thingee on the top of the washer's agitator. The liquid was thick and it slowly started seeping down through the little screen holes onto the clothes I'd put in the washer's tub. I also wondered if I'd put too many clothes into the washer. Or if I could have put in some more. I looked at the bottles and containers of cleaning stuff setting on the table next to the washing machine. Spot cleaners. Oxygen bleach. Colorfast bleach. Regular bleach. Other detergents. And more plastic bottles of various detergents, cleaners and uncategorized “stuff”. My brow wrinkled in thought - I believe the wife had said to also put in some bleach. I grabbed the colorfast stuff and looked again at the washing machine. A-ha! There was a little reservoir that was labeled “bleach”. I'll bet that's where the stuff goes! I poured some into the hole until it was full. It just sat there. I guess it'll pull it in when it wants to, I thought. Now, what's next? I looked at the plastic ball laying there with the funny lid. Ah, I thought. That's for softener, isn't it? I picked the ball up and looked at it a bit closer. It was labeled “Downey”. I knew Downey was a softener, so I guess I was to put softener into it. So I did. And threw it into the pile of clothes. I then looked at the control panel on the washing machine. The machine wasn't new, so I thought I ought to be able to figure it out. Let's see - what did she say exactly? Cold-cold? Nope. Warm, warm? Nope. It was... oh yes, warm-cold. That's where the little dial was already positioned, so I left it there. I closed the lid and spun the timer dial to “dirty” and pulled on it. I could hear the water start to enter the machine.


Hurrah, I thought. It's working!


I looked over at the pile of dirty clothes that I'd have to do the same (or similar) to. Gonna be a long project, I thought.


I knew I'd have some time before the washing machine would need my attention again, so I went back upstairs. I looked around, seeing things that needed done. I sighed and began to prioritize the tasks ahead of me.


A bit later I went back to the basement and checked on the wash. Yes, it was completed. I gathered up the damp clothes and chucked them into the dryer. I saw some softener sheets on top of the machine, so I chucked one of those in also. I set the time for an hour and pressed the start button. The dryer started normally and then started making the most appalling thumping noises. Thump. Thump. Crump. Rattle, rattle, rattle. Thump again. I shook my head. What the dickens? I opened the door and looked in. Just clothes. I closed the door and started it again. Thump, thump, thump. It sounded like I was trying to dry coconuts. I shook my head and looked inside once more. Oh – yeah. I recognized the Downey softener ball laying on the clothes. Nope, don't need that in there. I removed the ball and restarted the dryer. Smooth. Quiet.


What a numskull I was!


All this unaccustomed work on my behalf was thrust upon me by a series of unfortunate occurrences concerning my wife and her almost uncanny propensity for accumulating bad luck. And the likelihood of all that bad luck manifesting itself in one fell swoop.


It started a couple weeks ago.


She had taken a Friday off to go visit her sister and mother in their hometown about 30 miles away from where we lived. She'd spent an enjoyable day with them doing this and that but began to notice an ache starting in one of her teeth. She assumed that she had a tooth needing attention and she promised herself to call the dentist soon and schedule an appointment. She came home early as the tooth was really starting to make itself known to her. She took some ibuprofen and went to bed early that night. She had a miserable, pain-filled night and got very little sleep. When she awoke on Saturday she informed me she had to see a dentist as soon as possible. Her face was showing signs of swelling on her left side and it gave her an oddly asymmetrical appearance, like looking at her in a fun-house mirror. We made an emergency appointment and she was seen by a dentist before noon. He informed us that yes, she had an infected tooth (that was pretty obvious) and that it would either need to be extracted or a root canal done to it. Because of the infection he was unable to do any work on it at that time, so he gave her prescriptions for pain medications and an antibiotic. We went back home after getting the medicines and she settled into her recliner with an ice bag on her face. She remained in that position throughout the rest of the day.


Sunday morning when she awoke and I looked at her, I was shocked. Her face had swollen a LOT more overnight and she looked to be in very bad shape. Think of the elephant man on steroids. I made some phone calls to several doctors and dentists (before I got one to talk to on a Sunday) and was informed that the antibiotic she was taking would require 24 to 48 hours to take effect and that she should continue with the ice-to-the-face therapy. Which she did for the rest of the day. Again. By Monday the antibiotic was taking effect and the swelling had decreased by about half.


On Wednesday she returned to the dentist and he did the first portion of the root canal. He was unable to complete it as there was still some infection in the canal, so he applied a temporary filling to the tooth to get her through until her next appointment, where he would complete the procedure.


The day before the root canal, on Tuesday, she apparently had pulled a muscle in her right leg stepping out of the shower. It was sore and she was limping when she saw the dentist.


Her miseries were beginning to overlap but we didn't quite realize that yet.


She worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday that week. On Friday morning, which was a day off for both of us, she informed me that there was another, much more painful problem in her right knee. We got on the phone and called a doctor. Again. Luckily we got a quick appointment with one of our family doctor's partners, who had a slot open at 11:00. After examining her he said he thought she'd pulled a tendon on the side of her knee and gave her a prescription for an anti-inflammatory. We had tickets to a food show in Cleveland that afternoon and we attended it so not to waste the tickets. I pushed her around in a rented wheelchair to help keep her off her feet during our sojourn there. We had a wedding the following day (Saturday) that we attended and she remained seated throughout that. She rested Sunday and Monday with a heating pad on her knee as she had been doing since the pains started. On Tuesday I drove her to an earlier scheduled appointment with our family doctor who had her knee x-rayed as it was swollen at that time. No break. The original diagnoses of a pulled tendon was probably correct. He put her on bed rest for the remainder of that week and the weekend, then another week of slowly increasing physical activity as the knee allowed. He wrote her a doctor's excuse to remain off work for that time period. She spent the first six days in bed and only arose to use the facilities. I'd rented a walker and she used it for those trips.


So... During this time while the wife was being hammered by her miserable luck, things were not being attended to in our house. Cooking. Cleaning. Dishes. Proper meals. Laundry. Dog care. And a thousand other things that the wife normally did that I never really noticed. I was totally blown away by the things that needed done that she normally handled. And to think I used to complain about how she didn't do enough around the house. Holy cow was I wrong! Hence the crash course in laundry, dish washing, etc.


I think she's on the mend now, however. She got up from the bed and came downstairs on Sunday and has been gradually increasing her activity around the house since then. We've accepted an invitation to go to her brother's house for Thanksgiving and we've accepted.


We're looking forward to it.


There have been some setbacks, of course. For instance, she called me on Tuesday night while I was at work (I work 2nd shift) and told me that she had a new, quite intense pain along the outside of her thigh. She was scared and concerned about this new possible setback. I told her to call the doctor, explain what was happening and to get his feedback. This was around 9:00 at night and during a fairly intense snow shower in the area. I was not relishing the thought of leaving work and driving home, bundling her up and taking her to a doctor, if necessary. She called me back a little later and said the pain had subsided quite a lot and she was postponing the call to the doctor. We both believe she experienced a thigh cramp – probably due to her inactivity the previous week and maybe overextending herself these last couple days.


We found out the following day, after another trip to the doctor, that the pain she felt was bursitis. This time she got an injection and some pain pills for later.


We're just taking it one day at a time now. She's got five days left on her doctor's excuse to remain off work before she needs to either go back to work or to get the excuse lengthened. We both hope that will not be necessary.


In the meantime I've learned a whole bunch of facts during this time period.


For instance:


There's a large amount of stuff to do after the laundry's been carried to the basement and before it's clean and ready to be carried upstairs. There's detergents, bleaches and softeners to consider. There's sorting into piles of darks, coloreds and whites. (Some of the doggone stuff is ambiguous at best as to it's coloration.) Then there's the timing from the washer and the dryer, the folding and the putting in baskets to consider.


Unfortunately, dishes do NOT wash themselves. You have to put 'em in the dishwasher. You have to make sure they're placed in the dishwasher correctly or they won't get clean. You have to add the correct kind of soap in the correct places. Then you have to unload it after they're cleaned and put the buggers away.


The dogs get certain amounts of food at certain times. They also need their medications at appropriate intervals. They need to be let out frequently. They are NOT happy if these procedures aren't followed. They have ways to indicate their disapproval and you don't want to have to deal with that disapproval. Believe me.


Grocery shopping needs to be performed bi-weekly whether all shopping participants are available or not. Lists need to be made and thought has to be given to who eats what and when. Bought food needs to be carried into the house by yourself and put away. Also by yourself.


Meals have to be either prepared and served or bought and carried in. Leftovers have to be put in containers to be eaten later or tossed. Dishes need to be done. Again.


Garbage and trash has to be gathered on the correct day and put on the curb for pickup at the appropriate times.


And I have to go to work at 3 o'clock every weekday, so almost all these things have to be done before that.


My son has been a help during this time period, filling in for me as he could while I was at work.


So what have I learned in the past few weeks? What lessons have been taught to me and hopefully retained by this often crabby old reprobate?


Just because things are good now doesn't mean they'll be good forever.


The work that goes on “behind the scenes” is still work and has to be performed by someone.


Don't complain about something until you're damn sure there's something to complain about.


We all need a hand once in a while. Even us supposedly stoic dudes.


Running a household as a couple is a breeze. By yourself it ain't.


People get hurt, get sick and get lazy from time to time. Prepare for it.


I guess I'd better get back to work and to think about what needs to be done tomorrow at home. She isn't 100% yet and I need to be prepared.


Wish us luck...





Friday, October 31, 2008

Just Another Day













Just Another Day



I really have no need for an alarm clock anymore. Ever since I started working second shift at my County job, there isn't any particular time I have to get up in the morning. Oh, sure, there are the occasional times when I have to get out of bed early. Morning appointments I have to go to, like the doctor and the dentist. Once in a while I have to take the wife to work on days that one of our cars is in the shop. Stuff like that. I generally use my wife for my alarm clock on those days. She works day shift, so she can give me a holler before she heads off to her daily grind. It's not normally necessary, though. My internal clock usually has me awake in plenty of time on those particular days.

As a rule, I climb into bed around 1 am on weekday nights. The wife usually mumbles something incoherent to me and drops back to her slumbers almost immediately. I turn on the TV at the foot of the bed and keep the volume low. It never seems to bother her. Maybe I'll click over to watch the Discovery Channel and see Jamie and Adam on Myth Busters. Or watch Mike Rowe doing some disgustingly dirty job. Sometimes I'll turn to the Travel Channel and watch Andrew Zimmern, who eats all the nasty stuff around the world. I'm OK with that unless he's chomping on members of the insect world or some big, fat spider. I'll give him a pass on those nights. I like Anthony Bordain also. Or maybe I'll check out something on the SciFi Channel. Just something to help me transition from awake to asleep.

I'll watch a little of something like that until my eyelids start drooping, which usually doesn't take too long. I'm clicking the off button on the TV remote and turning off the light generally around 1:30.

Sleep comes quickly most nights.

This morning, like most mornings, the alarm didn't go off. My consciousness slowly rose from sleep mode to a groggy awakening and I noticed the dimness of the bedroom. It looked like it was going to be another gray morning in beautiful northeast Ohioland. I recalled from the night before a weather forecast of rain and maybe some early autumn snow showers for this Tuesday morning and clearing later in the evening. Nice. Not even Halloween yet and frozen stuff falling from the sky. The older I get the more I hate snow and ice. One eyeball peered at the alarm clock on my nightstand and saw it was around a quarter to nine. About the time I normally say hello to the new day.

Hello day...

I glanced over to the other side of the bed. Yep, ol' Bailey was there. My older Schnauzer dog was stretched out on the bed where my wife sleeps. This was normal – he usually sleeps with us through the night and, after his morning visit to the outdoors for his relief and a quick dog biscuit, would return to the bed for some more snoozes with me. He is an older fellow and takes his sleeping seriously. I leaned over the side of the bed and saw Barney, the other, younger Schnauzer, the blind one, laying next to the bed. That was normal also. Once in a while either my wife or my son would toss him on the bed before I woke and then, when I came to, there would be two hairy beasts sleeping with me. That was OK with me too. They were part of our little family.

As long as they didn't hog the bed too much.

I padded to the bathroom to take care of my morning business, then returned and pet the dogs for a minute or two. The furnace had clicked into its cooler setback mode at 8 am, so it was chilly. I quickly dressed in my usual uniform of jeans and sweatshirt, put on my glasses and watch and headed downstairs. The dogs followed, knowing I'd let them out again, which I did. I glanced at the front page of the newspaper and checked the obits. My name wasn't there. A definite plus, I thought.

I took my pillbox off the shelf above the sink then quickly downed my daily allotment of meds with a glass of water. Gotta keep the pharmaceutical companies in the black, I thought. And my doctor happy, of course. I tried to remember a day which didn't start with a fistful of medicine. I could remember it, but it was a long time ago. Getting old is not for the fainthearted, as the old adage goes.

Then I let the dogs in and checked my calendar on the wall to see what was up for the day. Hmmm... Oh, yeah. Rotate the tires on the Toyota. One of those husband kind of jobs. Guess I could handle that. Or, rather, the tire dealer could handle that. Which meant I had to leave for the tire shop fairly soon.

I gave the dogs another minute of petting before slipping out the door and getting into my car. I zipped my hooded sweatshirt tighter as the cold started biting into my not-ready-for-winter skin. It was about nine in the morning.

I walked into the tire shop a few minutes later and was told that it'd be at least a 2 hour wait to get my tires rotated. They did their servicing first come, first served. I knew I'd probably have to wait before I even left the house. I agreed as I had nothing much going on until noon. Figured I'd be out of there LONG before that time. (You can see where this is heading, right?) I walked from the tire shop to a nearby gas station and bought a big cup of coffee to help brush away the cobwebs that still clustered at the corners of my eyes.

At 11:45, almost THREE hours after I had arrived, I was handed my car keys by one of the smiling tire guys and I ended my long morning at the tire shop waiting for my free tire rotation. I'd thoroughly read two magazines, went through the daily
Akron newspaper and had watched a little daytime TV which was on in the waiting area. Women's stuff. I mean, I didn't even know they sold pubic hair dye! I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it, right there on the tire guy's TV. Holy smoke! Guess that's what ya gotta suffer through when your tire dealer is the most popular guy in town that morning.

Since the clock was fast approaching 12 o'clock noon, I left there and drove directly to the gym. It was a workout day for the wife and I.

She and I meet several days a week at a local gym where we have memberships. She goes there for her lunch hour and I meet her. We walk the treadmills, do some weight stuff, maybe a bit on the stationary bikes. Enough to make us sweat and feel like we're doing something good for our bodies. You wouldn't notice it to look at us, but these things are gradual, they keep telling us. Don't want to lose too much weight all at once. Ha – like that's gonna happen! We usually have the gym's TV tuned to the Cleveland news while we move about and sweat, watching the weather, watching the news, watching the familiar anchors read their teleprompters. This day the politicians are still lying and slinging mud, the stock market is still an abysmal horror and the criminals are still plying their trade in thievery, murder and mayhem.

Pretty much a normal Tuesday.

When our hour at the gym is over, the wife hops into the Honda and zips back to her office. She muches a little something for lunch at her desk on those days. I drive home and fix something to eat for lunch myself. I pop the dogs outside on their chains again to make sure they have that opportunity. I usually carry whatever food I'm having for lunch upstairs to our office and eat it while checking my email, responding with a letter as needed and probably surf the Internet a while. Today my lunch is eggs, toast with marmalade and orange juice.

Around 2 pm I hop into the shower and clean up for my approaching work shift. I shave, dress and then it's time to pack a supper to take with me and check to make sure that I have a newspaper and a book in my briefcase.

Then it's into the old Toyota for my 45 minute drive to the office.

The drive north, to the next county seat where my workplace is, is usually pleasant. It's now autumn, so I get the added treat of seeing the colorful fall foliage along the roadside. Today isn't the best of days, being cloudy and gloomy, but I keep my eyes on the countryside drifting by and admire the changing of the seasons anyhow. Most of the trees have turned color already and quite a few of them have already shed their leaves. The road surface is paved in leaves in certain stretches like colorful sheets of construction paper – red oak, yellow maple, cream-and-green sycamore, brown ash. The highway closer to my destination, for a dozen miles or so, was freshly paved only a month ago and is pleasant to drive on. With my newly rotated tires (You remember I had that done this morning, don't you?) and the smooth road, I'm in a good mood by the time I reach the office and park my car.

I walk into the building, step into my work area and say hello to my fellow workmates. Bill, my old friend from high school is working on his laptop doing some design work; Pat, the man I work the 2nd shift with is in his wheelchair and checking out the upcoming nightly work; Dale, the vivacious lady who works the computer on day shift is updating a spreadsheet and keeping a close eye on the primary computer console, and my boss Larry is on the phone with a customer or perhaps a supplier. I put my supper in the little refrigerator we have in our area and talk to the day-shift people about the upcoming work to be done for the half-hour that our workdays overlap. The boss then comes over and shows me some special work he needs accomplished. Before long Pat and I say our goodbyes to all the day-shift folks leaving for the evening. He sits down at the computer and I get busy doing the paperwork that's always there to be processed. I chit-chat with Patrick as we handle the workload to be accomplished that evening. The hours pass and soon it's supper time. I pull my dinner from the refrigerator and pop it into the microwave after Pat's got his warmed up. Tonight it's chicken curry and sticky rice that I made yesterday. The spicy aroma from the curry makes my eyes tear as I carry it to my desk to eat. I add a little Tabasco to it and eat it with gusto, reading my local newspaper and chatting with Patrick. Then it's my turn at the primary computer and I spend the rest of the shift watching the systems we have to monitor 24/7. I make the necessary adjustments as the night lengthens and before long it's almost midnight and time for our relief to arrive.

First through the door is Christine who puts her lunch away and sits down with us to get the turnover for the upcoming overnight hours. We pass on whatever is happening with the systems and what special tasks need to be worked on. Then Alice, the second overnight operator arrives and she also gets the information she'll need for the night. The four of us talk for a while about whatever is on our minds. Tonight it's a mixture of politics (both office and national), Alice's upcoming wedding, kids, the upcoming winter and the arrival of a work manual we're all waiting for. We laugh a lot and enjoy each other's company for a little while.

Sometime between 12:15 and 12:30 I bid adieu to the night ladies and start my trip home. It's gotten cold outside and the road's still wet from the snow/rain mixture that's been off and on most of the evening. The drive home is quiet – there is usually very little traffic at this time in the morning. I notice that the sky has finally cleared and the stars are out. I see the constellation Orion riding high and bright in the clear black eastern sky. The year is definitely waning, I think to myself. My major concern on my trip home is whitetail deer, as this is autumn and they're starting to move across the roads more often than they do in the summertime. I watch closely as I drive and do see a doe crossing the road in front of me just before I enter the city limits of my hometown. I see her in plenty of time to slow down. Some nights its all I can do to keep from hitting them.

The back porch light is on for me when I pull into my driveway. The wife leaves it on to light my way to the door. I pop into the house and grab a piece of pepperjack cheese from the refrigerator to take up to bed. I hate going to bed hungry and it's been a long time since supper.

The wife is in bed but still awake this particular evening, watching the end of a TV program. We chit-chat for a few minutes while I slip under the sheets and munch the cheese I brought up to eat. Our old dog Bailey watches carefully from his spot on the bed as he usually gets the last bite. I reach over and pet the younger dog who's under the bed before I turn out the light.

Sleep comes quickly, again.

And another exciting day for yours truly ends.

Was it a good day? Sure!

I have a home to go to at the end of the day, a wife who's there waiting, a job to occupy my time and give me mental stimulation and friends to share my day with. I have enough to eat, my health is fine and I live in the best nation on earth.

I'm a lucky guy. Even on “just another day”.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Wild Blue Yonder









WILD BLUE YONDER




Have you ever made a promise that you wished you hadn't? Have you ever decided to do something, perhaps on the spur of the moment, that, after more calm and reasoned thought you really, really wished you hadn't? And after you'd made the promise, you walked around with a belly full of dread, knowing that you'd be held to that promise and you'd have to do what you said you would.


Well sir, that's exactly what happened to me. The unthinking promise had been made and the action that had been promised was fast approaching.


Lemme tell you how I got into that mess.


It first starts with a man named Paul. (Forgive me, Paul, for any inconsistencies in this narrative. I'm working with a sometimes unreliable memory.)


The first time I laid eyes on Paul was at my new job way back in 1982. I was a freshly-hired computer operator for a regional telecommunications company in northern Ohio. On my first day at work I was introduced to my fellow employees – Fred, Betty, Jim, Ed, Mike, Dave, Susan, Michelle and Paul and some others. Paul stood out from the pack because of his accent – he was a Brit. Medium-sized guy, fairly well built – looked like he was no stranger to physical labor - unruly ginger-colored hair and very memorable, piercing eyes. He was working on second shift when I started, and I was on first, so I didn't get to really know him very well until I was moved to the afternoon shift. I remember asking him when we met if he was Australian, as I used to work with another fellow who hailed from that continent. He assured me that no, he was definitely not an Aussie, he was British and was from one of London's eastern suburbs, a little place called Ilford, about 12 miles east of London. Actually not too far from Barking, Barkingside and East Ham. (I just love those names!) When I listened to him a bit longer I could discern the differences between his speech and my old acquaintance, Sean, who was the Aussie. It was completely different when you actually listened. And not quintessentially Cockney, as his forbears were mainly Irish and the hints of Eire were still in his tongue. Paul, at that time had been in the U.S. for around a half-dozen years, give or take a few. He'd married an American girl and would eventually have 4 children with her, 3 girls and a boy.


When Paul and I eventually did land on the same shift, we seemed to hit it off quite well and became friends. We had a lot of the same interests and we seemed to enjoy each other's company. We both shared a love of fishing and we'd talk about that sport for hours on end. His European idea of a sport fish was, however, baffling to this American. In the U.S. we divided our fresh water fishes into sport or trash varieties. A fresh water sport fish might be a bass, a crappie, bluegill, catfish or perhaps a perch. Trash fish would include sheephead, gar, sucker and carp. I found out from Paul that the carp was considered a highly-prized game fish in England. I asked him if he were kidding. He informed me that no, he was not kidding. The carp was a legitimate prize over there. They even had a big ancient female carp in the zoo and she had a name! I assured him that carp around where we now lived were garbage and not sought after. I even sent him a picture in an email one day of a manure spreader working a field, and instead of it spreading manure, it was spreading carp and pieces of carp from a recently drained nearby lake. Paul sent that picture to some of his friends “over there” and they were mortified to see the mighty carp so badly treated. Almost started an international incident! It was a hoot!


Paul's wife abandoned him and their four children when they were still quite young and left him the responsibility of raising them. I never understood why and I'm not sure he knows the reason himself. But he undertook his new duties manfully and managed, somehow, to do a decent job at raising them. His youngest child, Thomas, recently turned 18 and Paul said to me not long after that he'd “made” it finally – he'd guided his kids into adulthood and was at last “legally” free from having to support them. Of course he knew a parent is never really free from his children. But, in the eyes of the law, his legal responsibilities were over.


He was promoted to supervisor some years after I started work at our office and he was my superior for a while. It never really intruded into our friendship. A few years after that I was promoted to the same level and we shared the responsibilities of the large computer room together along with another supervisor. Eventually he transferred to another department and, a couple years later, was instrumental in my transferring to a new position in that same department. We helped each other out as circumstances allowed.


During my almost 20-year tenure with that company I learned a lot about my friend Paul. He liked the outdoors. He loved fishing and boating and being out in the woods and lakes and rivers. He liked riding motorcycles and riding them fast. He was, quite possibly, the most clever and imaginative man I've ever met, extremely quick-witted and a gifted story teller. I could literally sit and listen to him talk for hours.


I don't think I've ever met anyone who didn't like Paul.


Was he perfect? Hardly. Who is? He has fought with alcohol pretty much all of his life and has not made much of a battle of it on many occasions. He has carried a love of the brew Guinness from the old country and it still whispers its sweet, dark, malty songs in his Irish ears to this very day.


Paul was also known to all his friends as accident prone. He was fearless in a lot of his endeavors and paid the price for that propensity for recklessness with innumerable bumps, bruises, cuts and stitches, abrasions and many, many close calls. I recall him talking about various things he'd gotten into and he would literally have us gasping with the closeness of his escapes from sure maiming or death. People were a bit afraid to do anything even remotely dangerous with him, knowing his apparent magnetic ability to bring mayhem upon himself and anyone close to him.


We all held our collective breaths waiting for the inevitable catastrophe.


About 8-10 years ago Paul decided he wanted to take up flying. I guess he'd had some experiences back in England with gliders and had fallen in love with being up in the air. At this time in his life he had some disposable income and started looking around at the possibilities available to him to get airborne.


He first started playing around with the ultra-light path to the sky. These are lightweight, slow-flying airplanes that are subject to minimum regulations and thus are easy to get flying in. They account for about 20% of the U.S. Civil aircraft fleet. The governing regulation for ultralights in the U.S. is Federal Aviation Regulation 103 which specifies a powered "ultralight" as a single seat vehicle of less than 5 US gallons fuel capacity, empty weight of less than 254 pounds, a top speed of 55 knots, and a maximum stall speed not exceeding 24 knots. Restrictions include flying only during daylight hours and over unpopulated areas. Paul took some lessons and toyed with the idea of buying one but decided he wanted to do better. He once described ultra-light flight like this: Imagine you nailed a lawn chair to a 2 by 4 piece of lumber. You sit in the chair and a number of people grab the other end of the board and try to shake you off the chair.


So he took flying lessons to be able to fly a real airplane instead.


I remember him telling me about how the lessons were going and how much he loved flying, the freedom of the air, the visceral thrill of being airborne. He recounted his lessons in the Cessna aircraft he was training in and how much fun it was. He also recounted how much trouble he was having trying to land the airplane. He had many days where he told me he thought he'd never get the hang of putting the plane down in the middle of the runway correctly. He was very discouraged. He didn't think he'd ever get the knack.


Finally one day he came up to me and said, “I've figured it out! I made 10 landings yesterday and nailed 8 of them! And the other 2 weren't really that bad!” He went on to tell me the procedures he had used to achieve this memorable accomplishment. He was all smiles and was tickled to death that he had mastered the hardest part of flying.


Soon he soloed and became an accredited pilot.


That's when he posed THE question to me.


You want to go up?”


Since he was now a licensed pilot he was allowed to take people up with him when he went flying.


I said, “Sure”, and a day was set a few weeks in the future for us to go flying.


So I had LOTS of time to think about going flying with Paul.


I had time to remember ALL the close calls he'd had in ALL his other ventures. I had time to remember ALL the stories he'd told us about almost getting killed doing this and that and the other. I had time to remember ALL his problems learning to fly and ALL his landing difficulties.


I just had LOTS and LOTS of time to play “what if” games in my head. What if he has problems taking off and we fly into some trees and get killed? What if he loses his engine and we fall out of the sky and get clobbered? What if a wing falls off and we fall to the ground like a rock? What if he has a stroke or a heart attack and I have to land the plane? And what about those landings he had SO much trouble learning how to do? What if he forgets how to do them?


Oh my God, what have I got myself into?


So the two weeks go absolutely zipping by. Every time I look at the calendar I see the Saturday I'm to go flying approaching like a fiery lightning bolt.


You need to know now that I'm NOT a good flyer. Yes I've flown before. I've flown airliners from here to there on numerous occasions – to the west coast, to Vegas, to D.C., Chicago, Miami, Oklahoma. Even to Panama and back twice. I'm not a stranger to flying. I even flew the “Tin Goose” - an ancient Ford tri-motor aircraft from the early 30's from Sandusky, Ohio to North Bass Island in Lake Erie to go ice fishing one winter.


But the little guys? Nope. Never been on one of the teeny ones.


Any time I had to fly I was uncomfortable at best and grimly unnerved at worst. I knew when I had to fly that it was, logically, the ONLY way to get where I had to go. It was fast, it was safe and it was performed by millions of people every year without concern.


Still didn't make it fun. Nope. Not at all.


To make things even more difficult, my wife was having a ball watching my nervousness increase day by day. She found my consternation hilarious. She knew that things would be OK. She wasn't worried in the slightest for my safety. And she was enjoying – I repeat – ENJOYING my discomfort! Doggone it! I'd mumble about my queasy stomach and she'd chuckle. I'd moan about my watery bowels and she'd laugh. I'd complain about my shattered nerves and my fear headaches and she'd cover her mouth to keep from giggling.


It was a torment.


Finally the dreaded Saturday arrived. My wife and I got into our car and drove to the local county airport to wait for Paul to arrive with his rented Cessna with my name on the passenger seat.


She smiled the whole way there, dammit!


Too quickly the little airplane landed and taxied up toward the bench where we were sitting and stopped. I hoped it wasn't him but... Yeah, it was. Paul jumped out and, with a big smile walked over and said, “You ready?”


I probably sounded like Minnie Mouse when the “Uh-huh” came out of my dry throat and across my parched lips.


I walked toward the airplane like Saddam Hussein approached the hangman's noose. I heard my wife's hearty chuckles following me.


The plane was LITTLE. It was a 2-seater Cessna – a 150 I think they call it. I slid into the right-side passenger seat and had a terrible time getting the seatbelt out of the doorway and around my shivering belly. And then the door didn't want to shut and I had to fuss and fuss with it. My quivering fingers had difficulty even finally clicking the seatbelt closed. At last that monumental chore was finished and Paul handed me my earphones and mike. “Don't say anything until I talk to the controller and get the OK to take off.” He then started the engine and we began to move. The engine was very noisy and the plane felt very light and agile on the ground, moving up the taxiway toward the end of the runway quickly. Soon he had left the taxiway and had lined up on the end of the runway facing into the wind. The radio crackled with his request and soon we had his permission to take off. He pressed the throttle forward and the engine REALLY got loud then. Soon we were careening down the runway at, what seemed a breakneck speed, bouncing and bouncing, the plane eager to become airborne and then... we were up.


And it was kinda cool. The ground was dropping away like it always does when you fly and the surrounding countryside was opening up and you could see a long ways around. When we achieved whatever flight level he was shooting for we leveled off and started flying around the local area. He pointed down and asked, “What's that?”


I looked and then said, “Hell if I know.”


He said, “You've lived here all your life.”


I answered, “But not at 5,000 feet!”


We flew around a bit more and he did all the stuff you'd think he would. We did the “you take the controls” thing and I did. Didn't like it much. Then we did the “watch what happens when I ease off the power” and we sunk like a rock. Didn't like that too much, either. It was interesting looking around and I did begin to recognize a few places from the air. Soon we had to head back to the airport as Paul only had the VFR license and needed to return the airplane to his home airfield before dark. He swung around and, there ahead of us was the runway for my county airport dead ahead. He pushed the wheel forward and we headed down. The runway grew in our windshield at an alarming rate. Still not too much fun. Soon we were over the runway and he eased off the throttle and, whisper quiet, he touched down.


It was a perfect landing.


He taxied quickly over toward where our car was parked and gave me a quick goodbye as he really had to scoot to make the sundown curfew to his airport.


I walked over to my car on still rubbery legs, feeling a bit like Lazarus returning from the dead. I stopped, turned around and watched Paul take his rented plane up into the sky again on his 20-or-so-mile return flight to his home airport. The plane slowly disappeared into the clear blue sky of a beautiful autumn Ohio Saturday in its last hour before dark.


I'd made it.


Suddenly I felt pretty good. Stomach was quiet. Voice firm. Hands steady. I'd gone up into the wild blue yonder with my old friend Paul and survived to tell about it. I was going to see another day, more than likely.


I looked at my wife. “Wipe that silly grin off your face, woman!” I said. “Ain't nothing funny going on here.”


I think I heard her chuckling all across the parking lot and half way home.


I'll get her back yet!






Friday, October 10, 2008

Airman Stories - Part Three


Airman Stories – Part 3






At first I thought I was being sent to Egypt. Yep. Egypt. The orders stated I was to report to “The Canal Zone” and I immediately thought of the Suez Canal. Then, when I came to my senses I realized that it was probably referring to the Panama Canal Zone. And that was exactly right. I was heading off to the isthmus of Panama to a unit named Detachment Five, Fifth Weather Wing at Howard Air Force Base, Panama Canal Zone.


My transportation to my next assignment was on a chartered Boeing 727 out of Charleston International Airport in South Carolina. It was all military personnel on board and they all were heading “down south”. Some would be getting off at the first stop which was Panama. The rest were heading further south to whatever assignments I did not know.


Charter flights are where old airline pilots go to die. Our pilot and copilot looked to be in their 60's. Maybe late 60's. Both white-haired gentlemen. But they were competent in the cockpit and we flew the 1,641 as-the-crow-flies miles to Panama with no problems. The weather was fine over the Caribbean and we took the “windward” route, as the captain told us. This was not the direct route as that would have taken us over Cuba and that was not allowed.


If you're not familiar with geography, Panama sits on the little strip of land that connects North America with South America. Across this thin strip of land lies the Panama Canal. The canal was opened in 1914 and the land for generally 5 miles on either side of the canal was called the Canal Zone. From 1903 to 1979 this territory was controlled by the United States. From 1979 to 1999 it was under the joint control of the United States and Panama. During the United States controlled time, the land in the Zone was used generally for military purposes and maintenance of the canal, but there were a total of about 3,000 civilians who called the Zone home also. There were many military installations in the Zone. The one I was to call home for a year and a half was called Howard Air Force Base.


To orient yourself, picture the isthmus as a east-west strip of land bisected generally north to south by the Panama Canal. At the southern terminus of the canal, on the eastern side sat the capital city of Panama which had the same name, Panama. Cross the canal from Panama City to the west, then turn north about a mile or so and you reach the gates of Howard. South of the isthmus was Panama Bay and the Pacific Ocean. Follow the canal to the north and you enter the Caribbean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean.


It was the spring of 1968 that my charter jet landed on the 9,000 foot runway at Howard AFB and rolled up to the terminal building. I was met there by my sponsor, an airman who'd been selected to “show me the ropes”. He took me to my barracks and got me set up in my area, showed me the facilities around base and made sure I knew were I was to report for duty. His nickname was “Flaps” as he was learning how to fly.


The barracks buildings on Howard were all large, 3-story Spanish-style concrete buildings with red tile roofs. There were no windows in them, only screens, as the temperature there rarely dropped below 75 degrees Fahrenheit. The highs most days were around 86 and that only varied by a degree or two all year round. So, unless the building was air-conditioned there was little need for glass windows. In the barracks the ground floors were never used. This was due to the high humidity in the tropics. Things would mold and mildew in days without some sort of drying agent. Ground floors were the worst, so they were left open and empty for ventilation. Each of us that lived on the 2nd or 3rd floors had what was called a “hot” locker. This was a steel wardrobe locker where we stored our clothes and shoes. Each of these hot lockers had a 100 watt light bulb that was on constantly. By burning the light bulb it generated heat and the heat reduced the humidity in the locker and allowed your uniforms and other clothing to remain mildew-free. I found out that leather shoes left on the floor would turn green in 2 days.


The weather observer work was quite similar to what I had learned to do in Oklahoma. We covered six shifts a day on Howard, three in the weather station in the base operations building and three in the aircraft control tower. Weather observations were performed from the control tower instead of a stand-alone ROS as it was at Ft. Sill. One weather observer would be in the tower along with 2 aircraft controllers. Our control tower sat at the top of a huge hanger. You'd enter the hanger and climb a bunch of stairs to the roof, then enter a door and climb another 2 stories into the tower. The bottom story of the tower contained the radios and recording devices used by the controllers. The top story had windows all around and had the best view of the base, the runway, of course, and all the adjoining airspace.


Howard was my first overseas, resident Air Force military installation. It had housing units for married personnel, a commissary (grocery store), BX (base exchange – store to buy various items from cigarettes and magazines to uniforms and other useful items), churches, theater, schools and other facilities that you might find in a small town. Plus, of course, the necessary hangers, offices and repair facilities to keep military aircraft flying. It also had an airman's club, an NCO club and an Officer's club for off-duty recreation.


Outside the barracks there were coconut palm trees and we were awakened each morning by the squawking of the local parrots in the trees. The locals called them parrakeetos. It was a common occurrence to see work crews of native Panamanians taking a break by climbing up a coconut palm, knocking a few off and getting a cool drink from them. Very common.


There was a contingent of Panamanian Indians who were quartered on the base who did a lot of the maintenance work. Cleaning barracks, running the chow halls and clubs, mowing, trimming, road maintenance. All the Indios on our base were from the same tribe – San Blas - and had a chief who divvied up the work, kept the men honest, watched out for their welfare and was generally their boss. They swept our barracks, emptied our trash, made our bunks and did the latrine cleaning. We occupants of the barracks chipped in a couple dollars a week to the chief and he paid the workers from it. You could also hire them for special duties – washing and ironing uniforms, washing your car, etc.


The national language of Panama is Spanish. To be able to communicate, at least a little, you had to pick up some useful Espanol. All traffic signs were bi-lingual – Spanish and English, so you picked up some there. You learned alto meant stop, derecha meant right and isquierda meant left. Omnibus meant bus. Parada meant stop the bus. And, of course, you learned enough Spanish to be able to get a drink in a bar. Cerveza was beer, ron was rum. Those were actually the primary drinks in the tropics. Panama made several kinds of beer; Cerveza Balboa, Cerveza Panama, Cerveza Atlas are three I remember. The best selling rum was Ron Cortez, which was marvelous rum and sold for $1.85 a quart. The beer at the package store was maybe $1.50 a six-pack?


We stayed away from the local whiskey's as they were awful!


You learned that hecho en Estados Unidos de America meant made in the United States, that peligro meant danger, that trabajo meant work and, of course, hombres and mujeres meant men and women. You needed that for the restrooms in the city. Leche meant milk, helados was ice cream, biftek was steak and empanada was a tasty pastry with a meat filling. You learned some swear words, too. Anyone surprised about that?


The BIG saying around base was “Que paso?” Basically it meant “What's happening?” The normal answer was “nada” - “nothing.”


The land around the base (and many areas on the base itself) was jungle. Guaranteed, 100-percent, Tarzan-and-Jane-type jungle. If you stepped from a road or path into the stuff you were lost in 10 feet. As God is my judge that is the truth. The smell of the jungle was present everywhere also. It's very hard to describe but if you've smelled it once you'll never forget it. It smells like a million years of things growing, dying and rotting, then growing, dying and rotting again. Pungent, ripe, foul, dank, heavy, cloying, sweet, stinking and wet – always wet. And lots of other adjectives would fit too. I remember returning to Panama after a leave home during New Year's of '68-'69. As soon as they opened the airplane's doors upon landing I knew exactly where I was. The smell of the jungle was a dead giveaway.


The U.S. Army used Panama a lot for jungle training for the troops heading off to Vietnam. Why? Panama was worse than Vietnam.


Panama was hot and humid. It rained there every day. In the dry season it rained only once a day. In the wet season it rained generally twice a day. When it rained it came down straight and very, very hard. It put down a lot of water in those showers. A lot. The base had concrete-lined ditches all over the place to carry off the rainwater. You were always sweaty and hot when you weren't in air conditioning. Always. We weren't issued blankets for our bunks. There was no need for blankets. We were issued two sheets and a pillowcase each week and you needed to replace them at least at that frequency because of the sweat. You rarely even needed the top sheet to sleep. We drank all the time to replace the sweat that was always occurring – water, pop, beer, whatever. We drank liquids a lot.


The wild animals in the jungles of Panama were very different than those in North America. Jaguars and ocelots, boa constrictors and a thousand other snakes, coati mundis, iguanas, sloths, many kinds of monkeys, brilliantly colored birds and huge insects were just a few of the animals you might run into just a few steps off the roads. There was a fer-de-lance snake killed on the steps of base operations only a week before I arrived. This is a horribly venomous pit viper. There was a three-toed sloth hanging in a tree very close to the gate into Howard. Sloths move very little, so he was a fixture there for a month or two.


I'll tell you some animal stories a bit later.


The Panama Canal itself was a very busy place. Ships were passing through there constantly. You could always take a look out into Panama Bay and see freighters and other ships lined up clear to the horizon waiting their turn to pick up a pilot and pass through the canal. The transit took about a day and every boat that went through had to have a licensed Panamanian pilot aboard commanding the ship. This was to safeguard the canal and its locks from accidents which could cost millions to repair. You could sit in an observation area at the Miraflores Locks (close to the southern terminus of the canal where I was located) and watch the ships pass through. Most were cargo ships but there were the still frequent cruise ships and military vessels. Jacques Cousteau's ship “Calypso” transited the canal during the time I was there. The water to fill the canal and operate the locks came from a man-made lake called Lake Gatun situated in the middle of the isthmus. All the locks were gravity-fed from this lake.


On my first trip off base I went with one of the new friends I'd made. We picked up the bus at the stop in front of the barracks and rode it into the city. It traveled out the base gate to the main road, then south a little before turning east and going over the big Thatcher Ferry Bridge that crossed the canal. The bus then traveled along the Fourth of July Boulevard which was the border between the Zone and the Republic. If you looked to your left you would see the rolling green lawns and fields of the Canal Zone with the white-washed buildings. Very colonial looking. To your right was the Panama City slum we all called “Hollywood” with it's rusting corrugated tin roofs and open sewers running down the streets – one of the poorest sections of the city. The dichotomy between the two areas was striking. The bus finally stopped and we got off and entered the city. The airman I was with was looking for a new radio and we visited several stores that sold that kind of goods. A lot of the retail stores in Panama are run by East Indians. Most of the shop owners are at least tri-lingual. They speak their native dialect – call it Indian to be generic. Then they spoke Spanish, as that was the national language. Then most spoke English also, as much of their trade was with the military and the folks from the Canal Zone. Some were even half-way fluent in a few other languages (I recognized French, Portuguese and German) as ships from many lands docked there and their passengers and sailors frequently shopped among them. My new friend found his radio and, after a few beers – cervezas – at a local bar we rode the bus back to base.


One night in October, about a month later, I was in the Republic with several friends for an evening and while we were waiting at the bus stop for the last bus back to Howard we saw something quite interesting and unnerving. Along Fourth of July Boulevard we saw a group of Panamanian Army canvas-topped trucks and a couple of Panamanian Army jeeps with mounted and manned .50 caliber machine guns. They went roaring by heading who knew where. We looked at each other and wondered what was going on. When our bus returned us to the base we noticed a red light flashing at the gate. We were informed by the AP's that the base was sealed and we would not be allowed to leave again until further notice. When we asked around we found out what had happened.


There was an election campaign going on in Panama that fall. We'd seen political posters all over the city when we were visiting there. They take their politics very seriously in Central America and there were a dozen or more parties with candidates running for president that year. Arnulfo Arias was the winner of the election as the coalition choice of five of the political parties. He had been in power only 11 days when we saw the La Guardia Nacional troops rushing by our bus stop that night. Apparently, as one of the first acts as the new president he had decided to purge the Panamanian military of some high ranking officers who wouldn't go along with his orders. The officers, headed by a man named Omar Torrijos Herrera were incensed at the dismissal, staged a coup and took over the country. Arnulfo Arias fled from the republic to Howard Air Force Base where he was whisked away in the middle of the night to Miami to escape capture. Torrijos, who was a lieutenant colonel at the time, promoted himself to general and dictator of Panama. And that was what was going on that strange night as I was returning to the base.


Things settled down fairly quickly after Torrijo's coup and we were only confined to the base for a week or so. There was some sporadic gunfire in the city during that time and some of the NCO's and officers who lived in the Republic were anxious, but nothing much really happened. As far as we low-ranking airmen were concerned we saw very little changes in the city except for the cleaner streets, less criminal elements and a higher presence of La Guardia on the streets and in the bars and other establishments. Torrijos had “cleaned” up the city. The La Guadia Nacional in Panama was the Army, police and national guard all rolled into one. They all wore the same uniforms whether directing traffic or fighting in a war. We were warned that they were short tempered and if they gave you an order while you were in the Republic you responded quickly. I personally saw a small La Guardia take on a big, drunken Army dude in a bar and lay him on the floor in five quick seconds when he refused the La Guardia's order to leave the bar.


They were some tough little hombres.


Some recollections of my time in Panama:


One of the Sergeants who lived a floor above me in my barracks was a collector for his zoo back home. He would ship animals back to the States, apparently. I didn't know much about him until one evening a buddy of mine said that Sgt. So-and-So from upstairs was going to base operations to pick up a boa constrictor to send back to the States and did I want to go see? Well, of course I did. We walked over to Base Operations and saw a couple Air Policemen holding a big snake. I guess they'd found it out on one of the taxiways on the other side of the airfield. Sgt. So-and-So took a look at it and had the AP's stretch it out on the counter so we could take a good look at it. The snake was a Green Boa Constrictor about 8 feet long but only as big around as maybe a softball. The sergeant said he should have been much thicker. He then showed us why the snake was so skinny. Along the snake's back were dozens and dozens of jungle ticks protruding from its skin. These insects looked like brown dimes sticking in its back. While the sergeant and the AP's held the snake still, a few of us other guys used our cigarettes to burn ticks off the snake's back. You'd heat one up and he'd back right out of the skin where we could pick em off and stomp on them. A unique experience to be sure.


On one of my days off I grabbed a friend and we rode my motorcycle, a 125-cc Yamaha with almost no brakes, over to the city of Colon on the Caribbean side of the isthmus. It was only about 50 miles there and 50 miles back. It was a fun ride and we had a good time playing tourist in the northern Panamanian city. After returning I realized what I had actually done. I had ridden a motorcycle with almost no brakes from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean and back in one day! Not many people could say that, I'll bet.


One day a coati mundi wandered into the barracks. This is a dog-sized animal that looks like a cross between a raccoon and an anteater. It was friendly and we fed it. The animal liked that and made itself at home. It stayed about a week before someone reported it and we found out it was a pet of someone's up in base housing. A couple AP's came by to pick up our buddy and take him home. He was sleeping under one of the tech sergeant's beds and didn't want come out. The ol' sergeant said, “Wait a minute.” He placed a saucer on the floor next to the bed and poured some beer into it. The coati mundi came out and was lapping up the beer when the AP's, wearing gloves, picked him up and took him away. A beer-loving coati mundi. Quite a pet, eh?


Our weather detachment received a satellite-tracking trailer in the summer of 1969. Weather satellites were fairly new and it was a novelty to use our new “toy”. I remember tracking a very devastating storm from that trailer that summer. It was a monster that hit the gulf coast of the US and her name was Camille.


Traveling around Panama City was fun. You could ride in little buses that held a dozen or so people. There were hundreds of them. They were called Chivas which apparently meant “slow sheep”. They were always decorated with colored tapes, bright paintings of all kinds of things and there were usually pictures of saints taped to the ceiling and walls of the inside of the buses You jumped on one and rode it as far as you wanted and, when you got off you gave the driver a nickel. You rarely saw one of the drivers use his brakes. It was gas pedal and horn, gas pedal and horn, red lights be damned.


Very early one morning while I was working a shift at the weather station I noticed something on one of the windows. It was one of the giant stick bugs standing on the outside of the glass. He was about as big around as your little finger. I got a yardstick and laid it on the glass on the inside of the window next to him. That bug was 16 inches long from the end of his back legs to the tips of his front legs. We had a display for the pilots in the briefing area of some of the other big bugs we had in the jungles. Mainly big beetles, some almost as big as your fist. They had problems sometimes with the jets hitting those bugs and breaking windscreens.


In late '67 there was a change in the ranking of the enlisted men of the U. S. Air Force. What it meant for me was this: my rank of E-4 Airman First Class was changed to E-4 Sergeant. I was officially an NCO from that time forward. So in Panama I was entitled to go into the NCO club. As it was just across the street from my barracks, they served meals and drinks and had entertainment on lots of weekends, I spent quite a bit of time there. In fact, I ate breakfast there so often that the cooks, when they saw me come in the door, started cooking my favorite – a thick western omelet with big chunks of ham and green peppers and onions. But I had them make a change. Along with the three aforementioned ingredients they would also add mushrooms and jalapeño peppers. Along with 3 or 4 cups of coffee it was a superb breakfast!


I had a good friend in my barracks catch malaria while I was down there. I had loaned him some of my paperback H.P. Lovecraft horror novels during that time. I learned that you didn't want to be shaking with malarial fever and reading H.P. Lovecraft at the same time! Your nightmares were pretty awful, from what he told me. The disease of malaria hadn't quite been eradicated down there. They sprayed for the mosquito very frequently both from the air and from the ground, but the mosquito that caused the disease was a hard one to kill and there was the occasional case here and there.


Flying home on leave in January of 1969 on an older Air Force 4-engine prop aircraft. It was the middle of the night and we were flying over the center of the Gulf of Mexico. There were about 20 passengers flying to the States that night and I believe about all of them were asleep except for me. I was gazing out the window looking to the east when I noticed a sliver of bright light flying alongside of us. It looked, for all practical purposes, like a disk or a saucer. Uh-huh. Middle of the Gulf of Mexico, middle of the night, everyone asleep except me and, hopefully, the pilot – UFO flying alongside. My heart was beating fiercely as my brain was trying to assimilate what my eyes were seeing. And it was getting bigger and brighter as the seconds went by. I was thinking I'd just fell into an episode of “The Twilight Zone” and was just about ready to get up and see if the pilot was seeing what I was seeing when, all at once, I understood what was out there. It was the moon rising from the waters of the Gulf. The sky was black and the water was black. The only light was that of the moon as it slowly rose in the sky. I now know how some of the UFO sightings in the world are probably natural stuff.


Getting on a Boeing 707 in Miami, Florida for my return flight to Panama after my New Year's leave. It was a South American airline, can't remember which one, and the announcements were primarily in Spanish. A lot of the passengers were, shall I say, dangerous looking? They looked like desperados from some spaghetti-western movie, drooping mustachios, fierce black eyes, odd clothing. You also had to remember that around this time there were numerous hijackings of aircraft to Jose Marti airport in Cuba by people trying to make a political point. A lot of those hijackings originated in Miami. And this aircraft was going to be flying OVER Cuba on it's way to Tocumen airport in Panama City and points further south. I sat there in my dress blues uniform and hoped that the next landfall I'd see would be Panama, not the Communist island of Cuba. It was a very long flight and I let out a grateful sigh of relief when our wheels touched down in Panama.


Sitting down in my seat on the jet that was going to take me home from Panama when my tour was over. Cheering and loudly singing the Animal's rock song “We Gotta Get Out of This Place” along with the rest of the rowdy military passengers when the wheels of the aircraft left the ground, knowing that we were going home, going back to America, going back to “The World”. It's hard to describe the joy in my heart on that northbound flight on that sunny day in the fall of 1969. The joy of a man laying down his tools after a good, hard day's work, knowing his sweat and efforts had been appreciated.


Even if that appreciation was only given by his fellow comrades and his family.


I was one of the lucky ones who did not get spat upon when returning to the United States. Some of my fellow soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen had to pass through that indignity. I thank God I did not. I'll leave the judgment for those who performed those acts to God's mercy because I have none to give them.


How do I sum up the experiences of my four years in the U.S. Air Force? There was no doubt in my mind that it was the seminal period of my life. I had transited in those 1,430 days from my boyhood to at least a reasonable version of manhood. I'd left behind my home, my family and my individual aspirations and dreams to join with my brothers in the military in serving my country. My part in the grand scheme of things was small but, I hope not too insignificant. I was a cog in the great machine of the era that will forever be known as The Vietnam Years.


I followed my orders. I served to the best of my ability. I willingly gave up four years of my life to ensure that my son, who was still an idea, not a reality, would continue to reap the rewards of freedom I had enjoyed. Yes its a cliché and yes patriotism is passe in some quarters these days. But not in my house, not in my family and not in my heart. I proudly fly my flag every day from my front porch.


I pulled my old blue dress uniform coat out of the closet the other day and looked at it. The ribbons on the breast and the stripes on the sleeve have faded a bit over the years and the brass could use a bit of a shining up. My name tag still looks out from the top of the pocket flap. But to my aging eyes the ribbons are still as brightly colored as the day they were first pinned on, the sergeant stripes on the sleeves as colorful and sharp as the day I was promoted and the brass as sweetly shining as the sun itself.


I wouldn't have missed a day of it.