The Retirement Present

The Retirement Present

It was a normal sort of day, one that wasn't displaying any remarkable ups or downs. I was driving to work in the afternoon of this unmemorable day, listening to a talking book as I often do and watching the landscape stream by on either side of the Honda. When I was about half-way to work on the state highway I usually traveled I saw a speck approaching way off in the distance. As I drove closer I saw it was a man proceeding down the highway toward me. At first I thought he was walking, but his motions were not those you'd associate with a walker. It was a little herky-jerky if you follow what I mean. Kind of a wobble as he proceeded down the road. And he seemed so doggone TALL! When I finally got even with him I could see it was a guy riding on a unicycle! And it was one with a wheel quite a bit larger than ones I'd seen in circus acts or on TV and that had accounted for the guy's apparent height. He was smiling and happily wobbling his way south. I marveled at his balance and also at the fact he was performing this incredible perambulation down a state highway. A little too fanciful on the one hand and more than a little dangerous on the other. I shook my head at the crazy things one sees when you least expect them.

And that got me to thinking...

How is it that we humans are able to perform such magnificent balancing acts? How many decisions per second was that unicyclist processing to allow him to remain on that unicycle? Not only was he having to keep himself from pitching forward or falling backward as he was proceeding down the road, he was also having to keep himself from tipping left or right at the same time! If one had never seen a sight such as that and someone was describing it, you might guess that it sounded impossible.

Or at least very improbable.

But it's not. It's apparently not very easy, but it is attainable and can be achieved without any superhuman ability.

And that led me to also muse about that particular unicycle's 2-wheeled brethren, the bicycle. When you examine the mechanics of riding one, you realize that riding a bike is almost as miraculous as sitting on that unicycle and making it go where you want it to. You understand that if you set a bike up on its two wheels and let go of it, it falls down. If you give it a push forward and let go, it also falls down albeit a little further down the road from where you gave the push. But if you get on the bicycle and know how to ride one, you can go forever and never fall down!

The trick is “knowing how to ride a bike.”

Everyone who knows how to ride a bike has had to learn how at one time or another. That obviously goes without saying. And the actual ability to ride arrives all at once, in a single moment of time. Think about it and you'll agree. One moment you are NOT a bicycle rider and the next moment you ARE! You have learned the trick.

I remember helping my son learn how. We'd gone the training wheel route, him “riding” a bike with the training wheels for some time, but one day it was time for him to do the real thing. I removed the outboard wheels and we went to a big empty parking lot at a school just a block from where we lived. He was apprehensive and a bit fearful, of course. I assured him that it was time to learn how to ride “like a big boy” and it wasn't that hard. I crossed my fingers at this fatherly simplification of a complex task. So for a while it was my job to hold the bike up while he pedaled and trot along with him. And then watching him tip over. Then repeating and repeating. I will say he was quite tenacious, getting back up after each fall and trying again. Then, when it was just about time to call it a day and try again later, he got it! I let him go that time and chug, chug, chug he was riding the bike around the parking lot like a seasoned rider! His mind/body/muscle memory had finally figured out the hard-to-describe process of bike riding and he, at last, had it.

I was so glad as I was getting exhausted chasing him around and around the parking lot.

For those of us who DO know how to ride, it's a skill that never goes away, and how cool is that! It's not like algebra where you learn how to do all those manipulations of a's and b's and x's and y's when you're in school and a decade later it ALL looks like Greek to ya.

But riding a bike sticks with you!

Yes, after years of not riding you will be a bit wobbly for the first minute or two, but the ability of moving along on two wheels is still there, still ingrained in your muscle memory.

You're still a rider and the miracle of that skill is still extant.

So, at last, this long-winded prelude has brought us to the actual subject of this blog.

I'm retiring in a little under 2 months and, doing so, have decided to reward myself with a little gift to commemorate the achievement. I bought myself a new motor scooter just the other day. It wasn't an impulse buy, I did think about doing it for a while, but it might be called a rather odd purchase for a mid-to-late sixties dude. And also not a real practical conveyance for this area of northern Ohio.

But I'll say to all the detractors and the poo-poo-ers – mind your own business! If I want to join nerd city and putt-putt my way around town in my flashy orange-and-black scoot with my neat-o silver helmet on, that's exactly what I'll be doing! Us cantankerous ol' fuddy-duddys need to be given some latitude in their later years. Right?

So, had I been a bicycle rider in the past? A motorcycle rider? Ever?

Sure. I learned to ride a bike, like perhaps ALL of my schoolmates, back in early grade school and owned a number of bicycles as a kid. In high school I owned a motor scooter which I rode all over the doggone place. Later, in the military I owned two motorcycles and enjoyed riding around the foreign country where I was stationed. So I wasn't a pure beginner.

But that was 45 years ago. And I was 22 when I was last on a motor-driven cycle. That, gentle reader, was a VERY long time ago.

So I had some concerns about making the plunge of buying a new bike. What should I get? What can I afford? And more importantly, did I still remember how to ride on two wheels without falling down?

Perhaps a little sleep was lost at my home while I pondered those questions before making the purchase. Perhaps my nervousness was noticeable to those around me. But I finally sucked it up, metaphorically girding my loins, and made the decision.

The purchase was made last Saturday and I was told the scoot would be ready on Monday. I bought a helmet, a riding jacket and riding gloves that day, returned home and counted the hours until Monday morning.

My son drove me out to the motorcycle shop that morning and I was at last going to face the answer to my most pressing question: could I still ride? The salesman had told me that it'd come back to me “no problem”. Of course he probably said that to all his prospective buyers in my situation. And it was even probably true.

At least that's what I hoped.

So there I was at last, sitting on the scoot in the bike shop's garage with the big door open in front of me. One of the shop's mechanics had gone over all the controls and how they worked. The motor was running and all I had to do was twist the right handle a little bit and I'd be off. So I took a deep breath, did the loin girding thing again and twisted.

(Are you ready for the big reveal? OK, here goes...)

And I remembered how to do it within five feet! The scoot stayed up and moved forward and mostly in the direction I was pointing! Hurrah! The shop had a very-lightly used paved road that adjoined their parking lot where I could practice riding and using the controls before venturing onto the highway. I took advantage of that lane for 15 minutes or so and finally felt that I was comfortable enough to head home.

And I got there without any problems. Yes I was a little hesitant in my starts and a bit jerky in my stops and perhaps a tiny bit wobbly when starting to move, but the incredible feeling of being on a bike again, wind in your face, moving on down the road like a low-flying bird was oh so very, very nice! I put 16 miles on the scoot that day before having to put it in the garage and heading off to work in the car.

Of course it rained the following day and I didn't take the scoot out. No need to take any chances on a wet road and I didn't want to get my pretty scoot dirty!

But tomorrow is forecast to be sunny and nice.

I'll bet you can guess what I'll be doing then!