The Miraculous Medicinal Properties of the Humble Bean Burrito

The Miraculous Medicinal Properties of the Humble Bean Burrito

As some of my loyal readers may remember from previous blogs, I've been a bit “under the weather” in recent months. Flu-ish symptoms evolving into bronchitis which, in turn, further descended into pneumonia. To combat these diseases I've taken several prescriptions for various antibiotics, the result of which were almost worse than the diseases themselves. I've been inching my way back from that dark period of my life over the past month or a bit longer and the miserable results of the diseases and the necessary cures have been easing. But it's been a l-o-n-g process that I'm sure I haven't quite seen the end of yet.

On Monday this week I decided I'd recovered enough that I'd be able to resume my bi- (or tri-) weekly visits to a local gym. My wife pays a certain amount of money out of each of her paychecks which enable us to use this local gym's facilities as we see fit. I actually used to like popping in there a few times a week to exercise a bit and raise a sweat. I know it's good for me and most of the time it's enjoyable. Some days are easier than others, however. Some days the time spent exercising passes quickly, the body sweats appropriately and the work seems virtually effortless. Other days it's like trudging through thick mud and the minutes drag like anchors embedded in a heavy clay sea bottom.

So I ended up at the gym on Monday after several months of not feeling well enough to go. I found it enjoyable to work muscles that had been ignored for so long and I performed my normal exercises with a sense of enjoyment and contentment of doing something good for myself for a change. I felt good afterwards albeit a bit sore. I also knew I'd be much more sore the next day if the normal course of events happened.

Tuesday I woke up feeling not so good. I'd had a headache around 2:30 in the morning and had arisen to take some ibuprofen for relief. When I finally crawled out of bed later in the morning, the headache was a distant memory, but I was sick to my stomach and felt generally blah, out of sorts, icky. My muscles were also barking at me for their unexpected usage the previous day, but I was expecting that reaction. I dragged myself through the day, feeling fairly miserable but not quite bad enough to stay home sick from work that afternoon. But I thought about calling in. A lot. I instead worked my normal shift that evening and the nausea and miserable feeling kept me company through the long nighttime hours.

On my way home after work Tuesday night I decided that I was kinda hungry and figured I'd stop at Taco Bell and get a bean burrito on the way home. Now that might not seem like a good idea, with the way my stomach had been queasy all day, but I thought, “What the hell. In for a dime, in for a dollar.” So I stopped at the restaurant's drive through around 12:45 in the morning and bought my yummy treat.

I got home, sat down in a chair and opened up the warm paper wrapper, inhaling the distinctive odor of the burrito. My mouth began to water and I suddenly couldn't wait to start devouring the burrito. I popped open a fire sauce packet and squeezed a healthy dollop of the hot sauce on the end of the burrito and slowly sank my teeth into it, savoring the delightful experience of the first bite. It was perfect! The soft mashed beans with their slightly crunchy hint of onions and the bite of the shredded cheddar cheese, along with the slightly grainy taste of the flour tortilla were a symphony in my mouth. The fire sauce added piquancy and heat to the luscious mouthful and, before you knew it, I was finished and sliding into my warm bed next to my sleeping wife. I worried a little about how my stomach might react to its unaccustomed snack, but I was soon asleep and worried no longer.

I woke up this morning and actually felt good! I was a bit surprised. I'd anticipated the continuation of the malaise from the previous day but... It was gone! I was still a smidge sore from the gym workout two days previous, but the stomach? Fine as a fiddle. Right as rain. Happy as a clam. Etc.

And so what do I attribute this small semi-miracle to?

To my strong intestinal constitution? To my usually iron-clad stomach? To the various pills and nostrums that I took the previous day for stomach distress? To the healing aspects of time?

Nay, my friends. I sincerely believe that it was none of the above mentioned things.

Some people claim to see Jesus in a toasted cheese sandwich and it brings them solace. Some see salvation in a mildew stain on the side of a barn and it relieves them of worry. Others believe in the healing power of pills, capsules, syrups, drops, inhalants and other substances which are swallowed, injected, breathed in or placed in body cavities.

But for me, I'd humbly like to profess that the answer lies in the simple bean burrito. For a mere 99 cents you can stop a belly ache, gain a night's pleasant slumber and satisfy an unconscious craving for Mexican food.

And, perhaps, achieve satori at the same time.

So, my faithful reader, what glimmer of wisdom have we gained today?

To wit: When in doubt, try a bean burrito. The results might be astonishing!