Jealousy

Jealousy

OK, I admit it. Despite trying not to be, I've become incredibly jealous.

“And what might you be jealous about?” the reader might ask. “What has initiated this green funk of jealousy and to who might it be directed?”

Before answering, I'd like to describe for you things that I'm envious of but which don't arouse actual jealousy in me.

For instance, I'm fascinated and envious of the masters of almost any craft or trade. To watch an expert in his field plying his craft is always a delight. My father and my brother are master electricians. They perform their trade with deft hands and consummate skill. The gene for this skill, which you might think is innate in our family, isn't – it skipped me. I've tried performing some of the activities I've seen them do so effortlessly and find my awkwardness around their tools of the trade disconcerting. I know that this is not my forte. Even the effortless way they cut wire, bend it and attach it to terminals is a thing of beauty. I find craftsmen in other trades also marvelous to observe. Carpenters bringing structure and utility out of simple boards, nails and screws; bakers creating masterful breads and pastries and other foodstuffs out of ingredients that in your hands might result in less-than-stellar creations; plumbers who can attach pipes and connectors together quickly, securely and make them function properly the first time and every time.

I am envious of their skills and dexterity.

Other things that pique my interest and envy are the artists who create beauty and majesty out of simple materials. Painters and sculptures and musicians come to mind immediately as the quintessential artists. Who among us hasn't gazed in awe at works created or performed by them?

But the avenue that's drawn my more-than-envy and that's caused me to slip into outright jealousy is writing and those that excel in it.

I fool around with putting words on paper from time to time. I'm definitely not a master in doing so. Perhaps a “beginner who has a smattering of raw talent and who derives pleasure out of the workmanlike placing of words in front of other words and trying to make them say something” might be more descriptive of what I do. And by spending the hours and hours pounding on a keyboard and struggling with making the end result not TOO embarrassing, I begin to appreciate more and more the masters of the game. There are authors that I enjoy so much that I literally have tears in my eyes reading some of their passages. There are others that amaze me with their imagination and their prodigiousness. And still others whose vocabulary and virtuosity with the language are incredible. I salute them as I read them, as a tyro in their world salutes the master.

And with that in mind, I'd like to salute another master at a subset of the writing craft.

Is this writer one who draws me to tears with his virtuosity in language? Is this author one whom I envy for the number of his tomes in the marketplace with his name on the covers? Is he one of the few whose name is a household icon? A King? A Koontz? A Twain or a Huxley or a Poe?

No.

This author plies his trade in what appears, to me at least, to be a venue where a lot of other folks are in evidence but in which few are notable. It's a field of writing that's become widespread recently and in which many people have tried their hands with only middling results. And in this particular niche I think his work is extraordinary. Even on one of his off days his quality remains excellent.

Who is this writer?

Well, I'd like to introduce you to, if you do not know of him otherwise, a gentleman named John Heald. The last name is pronounce as heeled, not held.

Mr. Heald is the Senior Cruise Director for Carnival Cruise Lines and he has become, in the past couple of years, one of its more public spokesman. He has accomplished this by writing a blog. And I think it's a craft he's been born to perform.

And why do I think this?

I subscribe to the school of thought that believes good writing is smooth, polished and clean. It reads easily and effortlessly. Good writing is as easy to read as a chocolate malt is easy to swallow. Good writing goes from the printed page into your brain almost unconsciously, the words as apt and precise as a surgeon's deftness with a scalpel.

But enough with the similies. John's blog conveys the man behind the keyboard to you as simply as his smiling picture conveys his visage. To read his blog is to know the man.

I've read certain blogs of his that would double me over in laughter at one moment and, in the next paragraph, make me as emotional as a child mourning a lost lollypop. He could raise my ire with one sentence and calm me with his next. He could describe a scene in almost grand poetic terms and in his next paragraph lapse into an almost Monty Pythonesque depiction of an event in hilarious British colloquialisms.

As you may have gathered, I just dote on reading John's blog.

I suppose some of my fascination with John Heald's blogging is that he's British. He takes pride in his Britishness and much of his writing reflects that heritage even as he attempts to keep his multicultural audience “in the know” by explaining most of his more oblique English references.

I've always been a bit of an Anglophile. British terms and phrases have always interested me. The Royal Family of Great Britain has always been fascinating and I am not ashamed to say I watched almost all of the recent Royal Wedding on television. I enjoyed seeing the pomp and circumstance of the ceremonies, the almost Gilbert-and-Sullivan-like uniforms of the military officers, the extravagance of the dress of the ladies and their ornate, ever-present hats, the rituals of the clergy and the almost palpable aura of royalty around the Queen and the Royal family. If I wasn't a proud and happy American, which I certainly am, I do sincerely believe I could easily be an equally happy subject of the Queen.

Some of Heald's readers have expressed their annoyance or dissatisfaction with some of the baser forms of his humor, but I always find those references and descriptions both funny and self-effacing from him. They make him three dimensional and human, a man whose diabetes and hemorrhoids are constant problems and whose underpants are a running gag. In counterpoint, his recounting of the fire on the Carnival Splendor late last year and how the crew responded is both fascinating, inspiring and a remarkable journal of the event – a must read if you ask me.

I think that allowing John to become the Brand Ambassador for the cruise line, either formally or informally, ended up being one of the best marketing decisions that the company may have ever made.

John, if nothing else is an “easy read” and, from me, that's the highest form of praise for a writer.

So, that being said, what say you give him a try? If you might be thinking about a cruise or have been on one before, all the better. He speaks the cruiser's language.

He's at www.johnhealdsblog.com. Go ahead and type it in right now.

And prepare yourself for a treat!