Affiliations
Would you talk about your physical attributes? How tall you were? Your weight? Your beauty or lack thereof? Or would you mention your lineage, your parents, grandparents, ancestors. How famous your child was. Perhaps you might describe your religious views or the organizations you might belong to – the Masons, the Moose Lodge, the Elks. Or would you meekly say, “I'm no one special.” When you get right down to it and think about it for a while, how would you even begin to list all of the different attributes that constitute you. How long would it take you to describe all of the affiliations that define you?
Take a minute now and think about the myriad of criteria which make up the persona that's reading this message. You.
What the hell am I talking about?
Let me illustrate it this way. There's a good joke that's been making the rounds recently that might clarify what I'm trying to say. It goes something like this:
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said.
I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”
He said, “Like what?”
I said, “Well…are you religious or atheist?”
He said, “Religious.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”
He said, “Christian.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
He said, “Baptist!”
I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
He said, “Baptist Church of God!”
I said, “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God!”
I said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”
He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”
I said, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.
Bypassing the religious implications of the above joke, which is a whole other kettle of fish, it demonstrates, at least a little, the concept I'm trying to describe. And that is, we are all, for the most part, the sum of our associations and affiliations. We define who we are by the definitions of the groups to which we belong.
We are exactly what we define ourselves to be.
To illustrate:
I am a man. I am a married man. I am a father. I am a heterosexual. I am an Ohioan. I am an American citizen. I am a veteran. I am employed.
The groups by which we describe ourselves can further be divided into categories. Social, personal, physical, political, religious, educational, geographical, emotional and many others. We also define ourselves by negatives - “I am not this or that.” A lot of categories in which you belong would, by their own definition, preclude your belonging to others. “I am an adult man” would preclude your being a child or adolescent female. It comes with the territory.
Each definition binds us to a mutually group-defined set of characteristics and responses. Some of the groups to which we belong are strict and we cannot change our affiliation with them without great cost and great personal sacrifice. “I am a man” is one of those groups. Others are less rigid and can be changed or modified more easily. “I am a vegetarian” might be one of them. Some ride in the center such as “I am a Republican.” Changing from that group to another might be easy but the ramifications of that change might be difficult. And then there are the ones most easily changed such as “I am a hungry man and I am a thirsty man.” Just eat and drink!
Each of the groups to which you belong also instructs you to act in specific ways, both by the definition of the group and by its customs and peculiarities. A mid-western American is unlikely to take up the practice of cannibalism, at least without a severe mental aberration driving him. A general in the military would not take orders from a private. It would negate the entire history of the military. It would also be unlikely in the extreme to imagine a Catholic nun performing table dances at a nightclub under any circumstances. Or can you picture John Wayne donning a tutu and dancing Swan Lake with the Bolshoi ballet? Or a Russian prima ballerina donning a 10-gallon hat and six-gun and going out to arrest some rustlers?
The reason these examples seem silly is because we see ourselves and others through the filters of affiliation. We define people, and ourselves, by the groups to which they or we belong or to which they or we believe they belong. And, by defining them as such, would be dumbfounded to see them doing something “out of the norm” for their groups. As we would be at least uncomfortable and more likely embarrassed or mortified doing some action proscribed by the groups we are affiliated with.
Each group to which you profess inclusion narrows your choices of actions and adds blinders to the way you perceive the world. If you belong to a specific religion, you might have been instructed that all other forms of religious practice are incorrect and yours is the “one and only” true one, as was illustrated in the earlier joke. You would not be interested in learning about other religions as you would consider them contemptible and perhaps even heretic. If you are of a certain nationality it is easy and acceptable to believe your country is the “best” and all others have flaws that make them undesirable. If you are of a certain age you might be tempted to berate those older - “never trust anyone over 30” - or those younger - “those kids don't know what they're talking about.”
Is this how we wish to carry on with our lives? Walking in lockstep with our fellow group members with our eyes lowered and our mind stagnating?
I think not.
I believe it's time for a bit of self-examination. Time to take a look at the groups to which we profess inclusion and to examine whether we should categorize ourselves as members or whether we should look around a bit. See what the rest of the world is doing in their groups. Realize that we do have choices in most of our membership groups and that being rigidly involved in the ones we belong to now might be limiting our potentials and possibilities.
Do I think we should all take up vegetarianism? Should we all immediately jump political parties and become that what we always despised? Should we all schedule ourselves for “the operation” to see what being the other sex is all about?
Nope.
But perhaps it might be enlightening to “dip our toes” into other groups, other affiliations. Perhaps it would be life-enriching to take a critical look at what's available in other groups and to at least consider the ramifications of change. Maybe it's time to take off our blinders and to remove our filters and actually see what's out there in the big world. Or even to profess our non-inclusion in any groups!
We might all be surprised. We might all be astounded. We might even be tempted!
Anyone interested in joining my fan club?
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